Self love isn’t always bubble baths and massages. It’s putting in the work. It’s sitting alone in your feelings and accepting that you will unravel, layer by layer.
There was about a year (after a breakup) that I cried myself to sleep many a nights because I was so lonely. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted a companion. And I didn’t want just anybody. I wanted someone of substance. A life partner. It was torture.
I sat in my loneliness. I learned to welcome it. It was the most difficult thing in the world for me to do because I always used to surround myself with people. But I knew that if I wanted to heal, I had to face my biggest fear, which was being alone.
And so I dated myself. I cooked dinner and ate it alone (confidently) at my table with some soft music playing in the background. I made myself chocolate covered strawberries. I bought myself fresh flowers, weekly. I binge watched Netflix shows. Samantha on Sex and The City became my BFF without even knowing it! I highly recommend this show if you are needing to just laugh and feel good.
I got used to the loneliness. And slowly but surely, I started to love my own company. I stopped going out to clubs and bars and now I can truthfully say that I enjoy just being home. Alone. I never ever thought I would say that.
It was NOT EASY.
I thought I would fall apart. Literally thought I was going to die. Because I’m that person that needs love and affection.
I remember one night I cried so loud and shouted out to God to please make it stop. Please make this pain stop and fill me with joy and comfort and to just hold me until I felt whole again. I rocked myself until I calmed down. And I hugged myself until I felt better.
Self love is not always easy. Sometimes it means facing your fears and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone so that you could be a stronger person. Learning who you truly are. When you spend time alone, you have the opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and feelings without any external distractions. Love yourself enough to chose to be alone than to be in a shitty relationship where you feel unloved and unwanted. The more you become more self-aware and in tune with your emotions, the more you will improve your relationships with others.
It’s having enough respect for yourself to know you deserve the best. And then it’s allowing yourself to open up to all the greatness the universe has to offer you. Dating yourself will build confidence and independence. When you are able to enjoy your own company and do things on your own, you become less reliant on others for your happiness. And because you’ve waited patiently and healed yourself from deep within. You will be healthy and strong and attract a like minded soul into your space. And this time it will be magnificent because you already know … you will be fine with or without them.
Of course, there are some challenges that come with dating yourself. It can be difficult to break out of your comfort zone and try new things on your own. You might feel self-conscious or awkward at first, but remember that this is all part of the process. The more you practice dating yourself, the more comfortable and confident you will become.
So, how do you start dating yourself? It’s all about finding activities that you enjoy and making time for them on a regular basis. Set aside a specific day or time each week to do something just for yourself. You can also create a list of activities you want to try and choose one each week to explore.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Go for a walk or hike in nature
- Try a new workout or yoga routine
- Cook a fancy meal for yourself
- Visit a museum or art exhibit
- Learn a new skill, such as painting, knitting, or photography
- Take a relaxing bath or treat yourself to a spa day at home
- Watch a movie or binge-watch a TV show
- Read a book or listen to an audiobook
- Take a solo trip or staycation
- Write in a journal or start a creative writing project
- Explore your city or town and visit new places
- Attend a concert, play, or other cultural event
- Volunteer for a cause you care about
- Practice meditation or mindfulness
- Have a DIY project day and make something for your home or as a gift.
Remember, the possibilities are endless! The key is to find activities that make you happy and allow you to enjoy your own company. Do the inner work my loves. You will thank yourself for it. Even if it feels like you are going to die. You will thank yourself. Your love is all you need. I promise you that.
If you are ready to make changes please join my amazing movement… step out of your comfort zone. Learn to enjoy your own company and watch how you thrive!