Let’s talk about the hard sh!t…. Most of us don’t even want to recognize the trauma we have been through in our younger years because it’s easier to push it down and live as if it never existed. But this is what causes anxiety, depression, disease, and toxic behaviors/patterns and relationships.
Trauma comes in so many different forms. We can come from amazing and loving parents and still experience trauma. Trauma isn’t just about abuse. It’s also about not getting certain needs met when we needed it most.
This can be as simple as a checked out or disengaged parent (always on the phone scrolling, working too much and never home) or even a parent who hasn’t healed from their own wounds. And did the best they could with the resources they had to raise you.
I love my parents beyond means! They are amazing humans! But I have had to heal from many events that happened in my childhood that broke us as a family. I had no clue that my parents divorce and the death of my 2 brothers had caused a deep rooted abandonment wound inside of me. It made it hard for me to be in trustworthy relationships. And subconsciously made me attracted to emotionally unavailable partners.
According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce.
Making US one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
This is why it’s so important for me to be vulnerable and speak my truth. To make others aware of the hurt we cause ourselves due to traumatic events that have occurred early on in childhood that bleed into our adult relationships.
Although we may disregard our emotions and feelings our subconscious mind keeps record of these events. Our brain doesn’t know the event, it just knows the feeling of the event. So we may be experiencing abandonment over and over again in our adult relationships without even realizing it.
Our subconscious mind plays a significant role in shaping our emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. Past events and experiences, particularly those with strong emotional impact, can leave a lasting imprint on our subconscious mind, even if we’re not consciously aware of it.
When it comes to relationships, unresolved emotional wounds from the past, such as experiences of abandonment, can influence our present-day interactions without us realizing it. These subconscious patterns and beliefs can unconsciously influence our behavior, choices, and responses in relationships.
For example, if someone has experienced abandonment in their childhood, they may develop a deep-seated fear of being abandoned again. This fear can manifest as behaviors such as clinginess, fear of intimacy, or an inability to trust fully in their adult relationships. These behaviors are often driven by the subconscious desire to protect oneself from experiencing the pain of abandonment again.
While we may not consciously connect our present experiences to past events, our subconscious mind can still trigger emotional responses that mirror the feelings associated with those past events. This can result in patterns of repetition in our relationships, where we unknowingly attract or recreate similar dynamics that evoke the same emotions we experienced in the past.
Recognizing these subconscious patterns and healing emotional wounds is an important part of personal growth and building healthier relationships. Through therapy, self-reflection, and self-awareness, individuals can uncover and address these underlying issues, allowing for the possibility of more fulfilling and emotionally balanced connections.
By understanding the influence of our subconscious mind and the role it plays in shaping our experiences, we can gain insight into our behaviors and emotions, and work towards healing past wounds to create healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the present.